Wet Socks Make Students More Productive, Says Designer of the Sidewalk Outside Cobb Hall

Winter in Chicago sucks, but one bright spot is the opportunity to have wet socks! According to a handful of scientists, wet socks increase brainpower. However, it seems that this only works with the water outside Cobb Hall.

An ancient wellspring lies beneath Cobb, causing mysterious happenings. Students report twisting their ankles on the steep staircase, being invited to meetings for RSOs that don’t exist, and receiving visions from an unknown ancient deity. The underground reservoir also channels a significant amount of toxic gas into Cobb Café. The water that pools in front of Cobb Hall forms a secret elixir, which once deposited on socks creates a strong urge to “LOCK IN.” 

The designer of UChicago’s sidewalks, Fan O’ Flooding, commented: “Of course I knew about the secret aquifer! That’s why I made it so that the sidewalk in front of the busiest building on campus always has puddles! Puddles are good for learning!” 

President Paul Alivisatos added: “I make sure to dip my socks in the pool every day, twice on the days that I need to write emails.”