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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Frosty the Snowman Dead at 37

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Weak Roommate Declares State of Emergen-C

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Breast Cancer Becomes Aware

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Student Enjoyed Studying A Broad

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Dean Boyer: “This Weekend is Weed Weekend”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Area Woman Pays Face Value for Klondike Bar

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Scientists Confirm with 99% Certainty that Struggle is Real

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Birds Elect to Freeze Rather Than Migrate to Florida

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    New Evidence Suggests Odyssey May Not Be Historically Accurate

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Oriental Institute embraces post-colonial terminology; to be Renamed “Institute of Exotic Studies”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
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