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Perfectly acceptable pause in conversation ruined by someone saying, “This is Awkward”
By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 18, 2013 A perfectly acceptable pause in conversation was ruined last Tuesday when first-year Dwight Mulligan blurted out his singularly unnecessary catchphrase: “Well, uh… this is awkward.” It began…
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The Mandelbaum Translation Is Way Better than the Fagles
By Allen Mandelbaum Oct. 19, 2013 Translation is a dead art. No one would deny that. But it’s one thing to let a dead art stay dead, and it’s another thing to keep…
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Occidental Institute Begins Study of “Baseball”
By Jeremy Archer Oct. 20, 2013 CHICAGO – Researchers at the University of Chicago’s Occidental Institute have announced a bold new archaeological initiative to pinpoint the true nature, and ultimate social function, of…
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A Plea for Tolerance
By The Jack Hammer Working on Harper Oct. 20, 2013 TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK TUK…
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Winter Coats You Thought Would Keep You Warm In Chicago
By Maya Handa Oct. 20, 2013 The fashionable peacoat you envisioned yourself wearing as you trotted from class to class in the high, pointy leather boots. The winter coat you left at home…
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Chances of Asteroid-Earth Romance are Astronomically Small
By James Ekstrom Oct. 27, 2013 Asteromance experts around the world agree that area asteroid 40670 has little to no chance of success in its recent romantic advances toward the planet Earth. While…
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Classiest UChicago Selfies
By Chris Deakin Oct. 29, 2013 Through the Ryerson Telescope (in focus) Bathroom mirror of your TA’s place In the Smart Museum, touching the Rothko In your dorm room, with the Christmas lights…
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Fall Is My Favorite Time of Year
By John Abarr Oct. 29, 2013 There’s nothing like the Autumn. The leaves start changing and the air gets cooler, and we’re once again entering my favorite season. As soon as the temperature…
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All Math Actually Special Case of Political Science
By Naftali Harris Nov. 9, 2013 Mathematicians around the world were devastated to learn yesterday that all mathematics is actually a special case of political theory. Professor John Mearsheimer, whose groundbreaking 1993 discoveries…
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Student with Hardest Life Definitely Todd
By Mark Sands Nov. 9, 2013 A massive, longitudinal study has determined that Todd Johnson, a third-year in the College, has live leads thehardest most difficult life of any University of Chicago student.…
