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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Discovered: Office Memos Between DOJ District Attorneys and Jeff Sessions

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Traffic on the Quad Grinds to a Halt as Two Students Fail to Walk Past Each Other

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Scientists 99% Certain That Our Universe is Just Someone’s D&D Campaign

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Sasha Obama Founds Kids Next Door

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Satire Meeting Gets Political

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Study from Center for Practical Wisdom Asserts, “This Was a Complete Waste of Money”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    White House Leaks: Bannon Sends Trump to Bed, and with No Dessert

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Markets in Disarray as Snapchat Shares Disappear After Ten Seconds

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Waffle House Replaces Saieh Hall for Economics

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Turning Point? Vanilla Ice Denounces Donald Trump!

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
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