Chicago Shady Dealer

Sasha Obama Founds Kids Next Door

By Adam Lowinger
March 24, 2017

Following the end of her father’s term as President, Natashia “Sasha” Obama has decided to dedicate her time to establishing the Kids Next Door (K.N.D.).  For those unware, the Kids Next Door was a cartoon that ran in the early 2000’s in which children form a global intelligence apparatus (the titular organization) to combat “adult tyranny”. Usually, this involved using effective yet stupidly-named weapons, aerospace crafts, and computers all made from hardware products. “I always loved the show growing up,” explains the former first daughter, “so I figured that since I have some free time, might as well use it get some more kids involved in politics. The only real change I made was spelling everything correctly.”

Sasha’s comment refers to her title of “Number 44”, which would have been spelled “Numbah” had she followed the series’ naming conventions. “I just don’t think my Parents would have been on board if I promoted illiteracy,” explained Sasha. When asked if having an adult fund the organization seemed hypocritical, she responded with a shrill “Can you think of a better way to fund it?” The rest of the first family refused to comment.

Due to president Trump’s purposed elimination to various after-school programs, more and more kids are signing up for the K.N.D. due to lack of alternatives. Most parents even encourage their kids to join, for the organization provides high amounts of physical activity in addition to basic training in tactics, construction, programming, and oration. “It’s nice to see Nigel have a group of friends to hang out with everyday” said one grateful father who now has the time to work two jobs. Similar success cases can be found around the country.

Indeed, Supreme Leader Sasha has records showing membership has already increased to over 2000 members in the United States, with pockets of a few dozen emerging in Japan and the United Kingdom. “I’m so happy with how it has turned out”, Sasha says, “but what I’m most excited about is that the Moon Base has just exited the R&D phase.”