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Report: Filthy Apartment Has No-Shoes Policy
By Alan Weisz Aug. 18, 2017 Despite strictly enforcing their stringent “no shoes allowed” policy since they moved in last June, the residents of 5132 Greenwood Ave., Apt. 3A, have, by all accounts,…
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Surviving First Year in a Post Pratt-Faris Separation World
By Greer Baxter Aug. 18, 2017 It was daunting enough handling first year at UChicago during the magical era of romantic idealism made possible bywhenile it was still possible to onecould still bask…
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The Dos and Don’ts of Sorority Recruitment
By Chase Harrison and Yamini Nambimadom Aug. 22, 2017 It’s the moment every girl dreamed of since they were young: Sorority Recruitment at the University of Chicago! The moment when young co-eds have…
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My Day in the Marketplace of Ideas
By Chase Harrison Aug. 22, 2017 My Day in the Marketplace of Ideas By Chase Harrison The letter arrived in my mailbox with a flourish, shooting into my house. Was this FINALLY…
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5 Things You CAN Stare at directly
By Nik Varley Aug. 23, 2017 The Solar Eclipse has come and gone, which means that you can go back to staring at anything for as long as you want! Here are our…
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UC Leaks
By Leaked Docs Reveal Budgetary Chaos and Ambitious Plans Aug. 25, 2017 On August 8, a CSD reporter from the Dealer identified sSeventy– eight pages of internal uUniversity documents amidst a stack of…
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UC Leaks: Robot Under Mansueto Lonely, Depressed
By Alex Morales Aug. 25, 2017 A report titled “Final Overview: Mansueto Systems Anomalies” details a long string of investigations and investments whereinthat were the administration attempteding to restore normal function to the…
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UC Leaks: Questionable Purchases
By Dan Lastres Aug. 25, 2017 It’s no secret that the university’s finances are not in great shape.; Between a struggling endowment and a high demand for buildings to name, the administration has…
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The UChicago Sports Cheers You Need To Know
By Chase “The Fanatic” Harrison Aug. 25, 2017 Rooooooollllll ‘Roons! Give me an A (No!) Give me an B (No!) Give me an C (No!) Ok, g. give me an C- at least!…
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How Short Is Too Short? Dressing for Office Hours
By Breck Radulovic Aug. 28, 2017 When it comes to grading, it’s no secret that professors can be cruel, arbitrary, and entirely motivated by lust for their young, nubile students. So, how’s…
