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Feral Child Raised by Improv Troupe
By Morgan Pantuck April 22, 2016 Chicago Aauthorities were shocked earlier this week by the discovery of a feral child in Chicago, Illinois whom they believe to have been raised by an improv…
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GOP Engages Millennials through Hip Hop Musical about Restricting Reproductive Rights
By Katie Zellner April 23, 2016 “Seventeen, seh-seh-seventeen. SB seventeen twenty two.” Thus begins the song “Don’t Abort Her, Sir” from the trendy new musical penned by GOP lobbyist turned lyricist, Vernon White.…
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My Three-Star Review of Getting Dominos to Bake Me Into A Pizza
By Teddy Zamborsky April 23, 2016 Last week, I convinced Domino’s Pizza to bake me into a giant pie. A pizza pie. Like tThe kind with cheese, not fruit. Look at the picture,.…
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Five Ass Tattoos You Won’t Regret
By Breck Radulovic April 23, 2016 1. An Outline of a Hheart- Turn your own ass into a dry-erase board of love!. Ask your lover to write in their initials with sharpie, and…
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Canadians Glad Justin Trudeau Distracts from their Small Population and Cold Climate
By Nico Aldape April 23, 2016 Though he has been in office for over five months now, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau continues to make waves through his embrace of social change and…
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Inspiring: This Major League Baseball Player Uses Drugs That Make Him Play Worse
By Daniel Ruttenberg April 23, 2016 When I was a kid, I used to love baseball. Yessir, my ideal Friday was not ‘nt playing board games or running outside, it wasbut watching a…
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New Off-Ocean Program Brings Whales to UChicago
By Jacob Johnson April 23, 2016 DueAnnouncing to a new shared initiative between the SHAMU (Society for Humans Meeting Animal Undergraduates) University of Chicago and the Marine Biological Lab in Woods Hole Massachusetts,Saint…
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Sexual Experimentation Fails Peer Review
By Morgan Pantuck and Reed Thurston April 23, 2016 A controversial study submitted to the New England Journal of Medicine was officially rejected for publication this past weekend following peer review. “Butt Stuff:…
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The Wiggles Pull Music from Spotify in Show of Solidarity with Taylor Swift
By Jacob Levin April 23, 2016 In a public announcement Monday, The Wiggles announced that they have decided to remove all of their music from Spotify to show solidarity with Taylor Swift and…
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Student Bouncing Leg Up and Down Shows No Sign of Stopping
By Nik Varley April 23, 2016 SourcesStudents in Professor Pierce Jackson’s SOSC 113 class informed confirmed that fellow studenttThe Dealer that student Graham Larson began bouncing his right leg up and down at…
