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Daylight Savings Can’t Save this Relationship
By Nik Varley Nov. 12, 2015 Hey, honey. What I have to say isn’t easy, but it’s important, and I honestly can’t live with it any longer. It breaks my heart to see…
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Opinion: Stop Sexiling Me so You Can Masturbate
By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 12, 2015 I’ve let this go on for long enough, Pat. I know you’re just jacking off in your room. I’m not buying the “sexile” routine again. You really…
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Desperate Jeb Bush Adds Second Exclamation Mark to Logo
By Chase Harrison and Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 12, 2015 At a rally in Sioux City, Iowa, a weary and obviously desperate Jeb Bush unveiled “Jeb!!” as his newest campaign logo. “It’s so fun,…
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US News Releases Rankings of Most Prestigious Prisons
By Nik Varley Nov. 12, 2015 Earlier this week, US News and World Report released their annual rankings of the nation’s most prestigious prisons. The 5 top top 5 ranked prisons have been…
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Pucker Up, Jeb
By Nik Varley Nov. 13, 2015 Jeb Bush recently said that he would give any democrat who cut spending by ten dollars a warm kiss. You’d better pucker up, Jeb, because I’m going…
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Thanksgiving Turkey Pardoned by Obama Passes Sixth year in Guantanamo
By Grace Quigley Nov. 15, 2015 In a surprisingcurious turn of events, the turkey pardoned by President Obama before Thanksgiving of 2009 has passed its sixth year at the detention camp in Guantanamo…
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Let’s Talk Honestly About Women’s Body Image Issues
By Anna Newport Nov. 17, 2015 Since the brink of modernity, we have made great strides in dealing with women’s body image issues — Spanx, the color black, Retinol cream. But Lladies, can’t…
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Having an Erection in Skinny Jeans Is Worse than Menstruation
By Nico Aldape Nov. 17, 2015 I am gender-blind – I don’t see gender. Contrary to popular opinion and fact, the male gender is being oppressed due to reverse sexism. As a man,…
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Point/Counterpoint: Is Everything Going to be Okay?
By Heather Barry Nov. 19, 2015 Point: Everything is Fine EPoint: Everything Is FineYesEverything is By Morgan Pantuck’s RationalityHeather Barry It is my strong belief that, at this moment in time, everything is…
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Kasparov Kills Horse
By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 19, 2015 At his presentation at International House on Thursday November 12, many attendees were shocked to see Garry Kasparov slaughter a horse onstage. Moments after his introduction, Kasparov…
