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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Horoscopes

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Will Punching Through The Glass Ceiling Harm My Unborn Fetus?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Forlorn Obama Spends Weekend Going Through Hope Chest

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Why, I Think I’ll Vote for Bernie Sanders

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Hookup Culture Doesn’t Exist

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Restaurant Patron Haunted by What Could Have Been

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    An Exclusive Interview with My Least Favorite Neighbor

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Scientists Determine You Won’t Finish This Article Because It About Science

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    For First Time, More Graduates Expected to Cry at Graduation than Parents

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Michelle Obama Releases Pack of Dogs to Chase Obese Children

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
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