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In Protest of Care Not Cops Strike, UCPD to Go on Strike
By refusing to do their jobs, UCPD hopes to get CNC to stop demanding that they not do their jobs. “It’s foolproof,” Car Searle State, the current Chief of the UCPD, said in…
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Administration Partners with Laundry Machines to Steal Socks from Students
Attention: if you or a loved one lives in University Housing and couldn’t find two matching socks this morning, then this message might concern you. Housing Staff were recently busted for installing laundry…
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UChicago Student Running From College Council
While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year in The College,…
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UChicago Ad “At the Forefront” of Carlos Rodón’s No-Hitter
Rodón’s no-hitter, and the sign along with it, served as a beacon of hope during a difficult time for the University. “We hope that Carlos’ dynamic, lockdown performance provides a great example for…
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What I Wish I Had Known on March 11th, 2020: A One-Year Retrospective on my Gilded Age History and Economy Final Exam
The Dealer sat down with UChicago students to talk about the things they wished they had known last March. Well, just one student, really. And most of his complaints were about one history…
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I Failed My First HUM Paper and I Don’t Know Why… ?
My professor just graded my first essay for Readings in World Literature and gave me an F. I’m really confused because I copied most of it from an essay I wrote in AP…
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Canada Goose Wearer Cries for UCPD as Feathers Are Ripped Off His Back
“Help! Help! No, not the Goose please please that was a birthday pres… huhhhh… where is UCP-” were the last words of David Vanderbilt, a fourth-year Big Problems Major at the University of…
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Frat Cites Disparities in Alcohol Access as Reason to Become Hazing-Optional
In an effort to boost the diversity of their first-year applicant pool, newly established fraternity Delta Iota Kappa has become hazing-optional. The choice comes amid a wave of other fraternities forego hazing requirements…
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You Got Us: Here are Other Maroon Articles We Released Without People Knowing
Yes, we used a psychic to predict The Maroon’s COVID-19 retrospective so that we could publish its headlines first. But did you know we've done that a lot over the years? Here are…
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How Covid and the Summer’s Racial Reckoning Impacted the Way I, Your Friendly Neighborhood Econ Frat Bro, Live My Life and View the World
Staffers at Bon Appétit, a food and lifestyle magazine for people who spend more than $50 dollars on a single jar of cinnamon, suddenly left the magazine because of race stuff, and they…
