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Canada Goose Wearer Cries for UCPD as Feathers Are Ripped Off His Back
“Help! Help! No, not the Goose please please that was a birthday pres… huhhhh… where is UCP-” were the last words of David Vanderbilt, a fourth-year Big Problems Major at the University of…
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Frat Cites Disparities in Alcohol Access as Reason to Become Hazing-Optional
In an effort to boost the diversity of their first-year applicant pool, newly established fraternity Delta Iota Kappa has become hazing-optional. The choice comes amid a wave of other fraternities forego hazing requirements…
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You Got Us: Here are Other Maroon Articles We Released Without People Knowing
Yes, we used a psychic to predict The Maroon’s COVID-19 retrospective so that we could publish its headlines first. But did you know we've done that a lot over the years? Here are…
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How Covid and the Summer’s Racial Reckoning Impacted the Way I, Your Friendly Neighborhood Econ Frat Bro, Live My Life and View the World
Staffers at Bon Appétit, a food and lifestyle magazine for people who spend more than $50 dollars on a single jar of cinnamon, suddenly left the magazine because of race stuff, and they…
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When the world needed it most, Datamatch Returns!
It’s been a year. What? It’s only February? Well between attempted coups and unstable internet connections, we here at the Chicago Shady Dealer have had our hands full. Not full enough to forget…
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r/WallStreetBets to Become Newest Finance RSO
Hyde Park- r/wallstreetbets has been granted special RSO status by UChicago’s admin, becoming the latest finance RSO to plague the University. Special RSO status allows a group to bypass the typical RSO application…
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Survey: Math Department Unaware Gerald Ford No Longer President
A full 93% of the department’s members were unable to correctly identify the outgoing President as Donald Trump, or the incoming President as Joe Biden. In fact, a plurality of respondents (36%) listed…
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The Secret Experiment in the Basement of the Lab School? Aidan Gallagher Clones.
If you, unfortunately, live in International House, as I do, you have become familiar with the constant onslaught of construction workers descending into the basement of the Lab School (our benevolent neighbors) through…
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Victoria’s Secret Remains Supportive despite COVID-19 Regulations
While these times may be challenging, they have also undeniably managed to bring out society at its most innovative, its most compassionate, and its most daring. And though it needs no elaboration, it…
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How to Prep for Civil War
The events today in our nation’s capitol have no doubt left many of us worried about the stability of our country, with some even uttering the possibility of a civil war on the…
