-
Phil (the Phoenix) Starts Fire
Another $300 million down the drain, and the big question that remains is this: whose idea it was to care for a dying phoenix in a bustling hospital? (It’s almost as if nobody…
-
Godot? I’m Still Waiting
It has been twenty days, ten hours, and seventeen minutes since I was promised Godot. I have not left Logan’s Theater West since the show began, ended, began again, ended once more, and…
-
Hyde Park Community Crowdsources Counseling
Following the tragic cancellation of Pet Love for the second quarter in a row, the Hyde Park community pulled through to make their own crowdsourced Pet Love. Tens of Hyde Park residents brought…
-
Tired of Seeing His Ads, Mark Zuckerberg Blocks Bloomberg from Facebook Feed
Mark Zuckerberg is just like us! After years of speculation, we finally have substantive proof that he is not a robot sent from Mars to kill us all. He is, in fact, human:…
-
What Happens Between Pre-Reg and Schedule Release
To the chagrin of unsuspecting students who were already grappling with running complicated game theory calculations in their heads to determine how to rank their classes, pre-registration resolution is now a week longer…
-
Point/Counterpoint: 11 Things UChicago Students Think They’re Doing Right Now versus 11 Things UChicago Students Are Actually Doing Right Now
Point: Solving the mystery of what happened to the missing sock in the laundry Counterpoint: Watching Sherlock for the 4thtime Point: Supporting local businesses and restaurants Counterpoint: Being too lazy to cook…
-
Area Man Cooks with Street Salt
Its been a long and fruitful winter for one local man who now as all he needs for these upcoming months. Each day Rolley drives around and when he spots his special blue/purple…
-
“Where Is Everyone?” Asks Student Who Just Finished Load of Laundry
After two months, Owen Davis had finally figured it out. On the morning of January 20, 2020, the RGG resident looked in his dresser only to realize that he had run out of…
-
How the Lockdown Helped Me Bond With the Ghost That Lives In My Apartment
When I first moved into my apartment on Dorchester, seeing the apparition of a Victorian girl in the middle of the night was an unwelcome and gut-wrenching experience. However, in the wake of…
-
With University Moving Online, Dealer To Publish Issues Via Fax
CHICAGO, IL – Representatives for the Shady Dealer announced today that, despite the University of Chicago’s move towards online classes, the paper would keep publishing, albeit in a different format. Effective immediately, new…
