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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Point: the English Department’s Requirement that Ph.D. Students be Interested in Taking Anti-Racist Coursework Excludes Conservatives Counterpoint: Conservatives can’t read

    Drew Landrowski / October 13, 2020

    Point: the English Department’s Requirement that Ph.D. Students be Interested in Taking Anti-Racist Coursework Excludes Conservatives. By: University of Chicago Thinker The English department has recently mandated that prospectives students for their Ph.D.…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Finance Module Teaches First Year Students How to Set Up Tax Havens

    Chicago Shady Dealer Newsdesk / October 8, 2020

           As part of their digital O-Week, the University of Chicago has introduced a virtual orientation module about finance taught by an Econ bro. The course’s instructor — rising third-year economics…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    UChicago Conversations: First Year Impressions vs. Fourth Year Realities

    That Artsy Kid Who's an Econ Major "Just in Case" / October 7, 2020

    The First Year Version: Scene: Anywhere in Hyde Park, yet somehow always walking towards the Reg Person #1:       Hi!    Person #2:      Hey!   #1:      …

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Kids That Would Have Gone Wild in College Still Trying to Go Wild Over Quarantine

    Cameron Chang / October 6, 2020

    The University of Chicago has opted to allow students the option of distance learning for the Autumn 2020 quarter, stranding many students with overprotective parents and giving students a desperate and immediate need…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    First-Year Accidentally Uses The Odyssey as a Travel Guide

    Rahul Gupta / October 5, 2020

    This year, the College prepared some special programming for first-years, such as several active learning experiences to convey the cultural impact of the various books they read in Hum classes. One first-year, however,…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Class of 2024 First-Ever Not to Know Which Direction Is North

    R.E. Stern / October 4, 2020

    HYDE PARK, BUT NOT REALLY – For the first time in its history, the majority of the incoming class at the University of Chicago could not determine which way was north on a…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Overachiever Who Watches All Orientation Materials Becomes God Emperor

    Cameron Chang / October 4, 2020

    In yet another turn of events during an already untraditional O-Week, one first year who actually watched all the orientation videos is now inundated with so much knowledge that he has become a…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Coronavirus isn’t a big deal, it’ll be gone by Easter, I’ll be right eventually, it is what it is; Trump Contracts Coronavirus

    Diego Matamoros / October 3, 2020

    From the bottom of our hearts, we, the Editorial Staff at the Chicago Shady Dealer, have only this to say: wow, what a BORE this year has been. Truly, how uneventful. It started…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Last Night’s Presidential Debate Was A Terrible Romantic Comedy

    Randy Beans / October 1, 2020

    As a self described film-enthusiast, I’ve seen my fair share of romantic comedies, affectionately known as romcoms. From 50 First Dates to Love, Actually, I’ve damn near seen it all, so you can…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Volume 17 Issue 1

    Diego Matamoros / October 1, 2020

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 Older Posts
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • Say It With Me: Zero-Hours Contract is the Best Contract!
  • Automated Bobbin-Changing Equipment Threatens Job Security of 9-Year-Olds
  • Wilhelm Crashenblimpen Appointed Captain Of The Hindenburg
  • Alexander Hamilton Reviews Hamilton: “Wait, they did what?”
  • After Success Of First Novel, George Orwell Announces Publication Of “1984 2: This Time It’s Personal”
  • Stephen Cole Kleene Invents Formal Languages, Causing War
  • UChicago Admin in Panic Mode After Mysterious Disappearance of the Vitality Crystals
  • White House Rushes to Explain Correlation Not Causation Following JD Vance Pope Visit
  • Interview: Debate Over Politics Blossoms Into Lifelong Friendship
  • Citizen App Provides Notice About Hyde Park Crimes: Dog Poop on Sidewalk, Premarital Handholding

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