Chicago Shady Dealer

UChicago Conversations: First Year Impressions vs. Fourth Year Realities

The First Year Version:

Scene: Anywhere in Hyde Park, yet somehow always walking towards the Reg

Person #1:       Hi! 

 

Person #2:      Hey!

 

#1:                    What’s up?

 

#2:                  Nothing much… It’s just that it’s (some number between 3rd-9th) week and I’m completely swamped!

 

#1:                   [must one-up previous stress level by at least a factor of 3] yeah, no kidding! Plus have you seen (insert news article

                        to make him seem worldly and intelligent)

 

#2:                   [has not seen article but pretends to, but not so subtly changes topic to some other BS current event that they

                         know something about]

 

#1:                   Wow! [pretends to know and one-ups “friend”, then changes topic to something pop culture-related to avoid

                         potential scenario where they have to pretend that they actually know important stuff]

 

#2                    [Nods in perpetual agreement]

 

Random Person enters.

 

Random Person: [turns some random pop culture reference into something political and/or theoretical.]

 

#2                [Whips head around] Sorry? I didn’t catch that — did you say that was (insert random philosopher/politician’s)

                     argument? Because here’s why you’re wrong [proceeds to prove the random person wrong in brutal fashion]

 

***DEBATE ENSUES*** 

 

Exeunt.

 

What Actually Happens:

 

Person #1:       I’m hungry, are you?

 

Person #2:       Yeah, I have class from 9am to 9pm so I need to eat now.

 

Person #1:       Food truck or dining hall?

 

Person #2:       I brought Tupperware.

 

Exeunt.

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