Chicago Shady Dealer

UChicago Conversations: First Year Impressions vs. Fourth Year Realities

The First Year Version:

Scene: Anywhere in Hyde Park, yet somehow always walking towards the Reg

Person #1:       Hi! 


Person #2:      Hey!


#1:                    What’s up?


#2:                  Nothing much… It’s just that it’s (some number between 3rd-9th) week and I’m completely swamped!


#1:                   [must one-up previous stress level by at least a factor of 3] yeah, no kidding! Plus have you seen (insert news article

                        to make him seem worldly and intelligent)


#2:                   [has not seen article but pretends to, but not so subtly changes topic to some other BS current event that they

                         know something about]


#1:                   Wow! [pretends to know and one-ups “friend”, then changes topic to something pop culture-related to avoid

                         potential scenario where they have to pretend that they actually know important stuff]


#2                    [Nods in perpetual agreement]


Random Person enters.


Random Person: [turns some random pop culture reference into something political and/or theoretical.]


#2                [Whips head around] Sorry? I didn’t catch that — did you say that was (insert random philosopher/politician’s)

                     argument? Because here’s why you’re wrong [proceeds to prove the random person wrong in brutal fashion]






What Actually Happens:


Person #1:       I’m hungry, are you?


Person #2:       Yeah, I have class from 9am to 9pm so I need to eat now.


Person #1:       Food truck or dining hall?


Person #2:       I brought Tupperware.