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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Historical Issue

    Oops! My SOSC Essay Accidentally Started 100 Years of Religious Conflict

    John Buterbaugh / January 26, 2019

    WITTENBURG 1540 – I knew I made a mistake by taking Classics for SOSC. Everyone always told me “Martin, just take Mind, it’s by far the easiest and you can seem cool by…

    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Prohibition is the Moral Cause of Our Time

    Nico Aldape / January 26, 2019

    By Concerned  Citizen Alphonse Capone Hello, my name is Alphonse Capone, a humble Chicago resident and humble laundromat owner, definitely not up to any illicit activities. I merely write as a concerned capo…

    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Why Did They Do That Which They Did? Interviews with History’s Notorious Change Makers

    Nishant Aggarwal / January 26, 2019

    We all know that a few seminal figures changed the course of history forever with their bold ideas and actions. Legendary people like: Jesus. Pasteur. Hitler. But, no one really knows why they…

    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Silly Bandz Craze Sweeps the Supreme Court.

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic – Washington, D.C., 2010 May 5, 2018 Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg Shows of her Silly Bandz Wow! It’s 2010 and every middle schooler, stoner, and Supreme Court Justice is rocking…

    read more
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • New Printing Software Tells You Exactly How Many Trees You Killed, You Fascist
  • Update: President Trump Places 35% Tariff on Water; Aquaman Responds
  • Oops! Your Participation Grade Is Actually 99%, and You’ve Barely Gone to Class! 5 Tips to Gaslight Your Instructor
  • Utah Replaces All Water Supply With Electrolytes, ‘Cause That’s What Plants Crave
  • [Redacted] is the Best Fucking Frat at UChicago, in a Tolstoyan Sense
  • Non-political Maroon Article Gets View
  • OpenAI Unveils New Model of ChatGPT Capable of Developing Anxiety Disorders
  • Jason Momoa Rocks the Minecraft Movie, Brings in 2000% More Hot Moms than Predicted
  • Major League Baseball Removes Retired Number 42 After Trump Calls Out DEI Agenda
  • Study Finds Jesus’ Crucifixion Likely Hurt a Lot

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