Joseph’s friends have expressed concern that his name might become associated with a terrible malady. “Just look at what they did to me,” said Joseph’s neighbor, Anthony Human-Papillomavirus. “One day you’re sitting around…

CHURCHILL DOWNS, KENTUCKY – Premier horse breeders Hoofington & Hartford have announced the successful breeding of their fastest horse yet. Darling Daisy Withers Wild, a Thoroughbred-Arabian-Akhal-Teke-Morgan-Appaloosa stallion, stands seventeen hands high at the…

MESOPOTAMIA – Thomas Gully, a twenty-three year old farmer in Mesopotamia, was recently tricked into giving away a sheep and receiving nothing in return. He described the experience as “chastening,” saying, “This guy…

June 21, 1961 NEW YORK – On July 1st, 1948, the first flight flew out from JFK Airport. To express his appreciation for the renowned airport, our 35th president has officially changed his…

“Everyone knows the Prince got where he is because of his dad,” said one peasant, who asked for anonymity lest he be arrested and hung upside down by his ankles in the town…

Last seen being sawed in half by one Harry Houdini, before announcing he would “make it disappear” to an enthralled audience.

We’re the ones defending our territory, so we know the place and everything. What if we hid everywhere and waited for them to come to us?

“I important think to enforce natural monopoly.” Grunk threaten reporter. “Give berries or Grunk hit weapon.”

Normally known for announcing the official news of their country, this surprise list has been widely distributed throughout Hyde Park.

“We pray that Vulcan will nourish our crops with the ash and keep us safe from any pumice-related troubles.”