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RH’s Dog Overwhelmed From the Weight of Every Student’s Mental Well-Being
“It’s just too much of an emotional burden,” Lulu told the Dealer, “This one guy literally started sobbing when I let him rub my tummy. I may be cute, but that’s just not…
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Disaster Strikes! Kid You Hate Still Goes Here
Realistically, the dream that he would leave the school, or at least get thrown out the door of a plane, was unlikely. But did he really have to spawn right here, right now?…
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UCPD Arrests Peaceful Protesters: “The ‘Free Speech’ Thing Stops After 5:30”
This Thursday, UCPD arrested 25 students and two faculty members engaging in a peaceful sit-in inside Rosenwald. UChicago has long been a champion of free speech, except when it occurs after 5:30pm. In…
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10 Things to Say When Someone Asks What You Did This Summer
5. “I tried to apply for jobs but I spilled a huge cup of Dr. Pepper on my laptop.” Might as well be honest.
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“Record-breaking” O-Mance Lasts an Astonishing 2 Weeks
Summers concurred, “I’ll always cherish the days I spent with Kyle – from the time we were making out and our teeth accidentally clicked against each other, to the other time we were…
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First Year Earns Respect of School by Beating Up Biggest Guy on the Quad
Edwards reportedly approached Poundsmith and declared, “I’m the coolest kid in school now. I’m the big cheese,” before striking him in the jaw. According to witnesses, Edwards subsequently made Poundsmith eat a bug.…
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Ranking RSOs Based on How Much Your Parents Approve
Kappa Theta Pi You told your parents you joined a frat, and they laughed. You go to your room and open up LeetCode. You’ll show them.
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Wow! First year Also From New York
Resident Head Dean Giommatti noted the convenience of this revelation. “Making friends in college can be hard, and so it’s a lot easier when you all went to high school together.”
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Admissions Announces Class of ’28 Will Be 10 Guys Who Do Quizbowl
Nondorf explained that UChicago will begin searching far and wide to develop a tight group of ten Quizbowlers, recruiting men from across Stuyvesant High School: “By this time next year, we want to…
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Conversation With Your Roommate’s Parents Extended Indefinitely
“To be honest, I haven’t really had a conversation with a stranger that lasted more than four minutes since that Home Depot employee caught me pilfering spackle in April,” Kyle told the Dealer…
