Campus Life

First-Year Enchanted by Dead Gazes of Grad Students in Lab

First-year biology major Ann Bitious was delighted to find that the graduate students in the lab she joined as an undergraduate research assistant possessed the dead gazes and exhausted slumps she had hoped for. 

“I just love how exhausted they look while running their eighteenth Western blot,” Bitious told the Dealer wistful sigh. “It’s my dream to have my soul sucked out by my work like that, you know?”

When asked for comment, fourth year PhD student Dee Preshion told the Dealer to fuck off and let her suffer in peace. 

“It’s bad enough that a sample infected me last month,” said Preshion, who recently tested positive for rabies after being bitten by a lab monkey, “but I have to deal with you clowns, too? Just let me be miserable in peace.”

Preshion was last seen frothing suspiciously at the mouth while Bitious looked on in awe.