The University of Chicago’s Department of Safety and Security has recently announced a plan to switch its login systems from Duo Security, inc. to Trio Security, inc., citing a need for a system that uses three-factor authentication.
Associate VP of Safety and Security Eric M. Heath told the Dealer, “Right now, any old hacker with Windows 95 could easily log in to any student’s account and submit their Canvas assignments for them. The University has resolved to increase internet security sevenfold,” becoming the first person to say “sevenfold” out loud since 1842. When asked what the third factor in the three-factor authentication system would be, he declined to answer.
First year Micah Powell called the changes “ridiculous.” “There’s no reason the login needs to be this difficult. I went to the tech help desk at the Reg and they told me to collect a rare trinket from an old man on the green line. So I went to the green line and an old man handed me a bag of white powder, which I brought back to the Reg staff. They thanked me for the cocaine and then informed me that they had no idea how the new login system worked.”
Second year Richard Taylor, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Dealer, “These changes are baffling to me. I live in IHouse, so it already took me upwards of ten minutes to login just because of the colossal distance the login request has to travel to reach the main campus’s servers. By the time I’ve figured out what I need to type into Trio to login to my account, my session has expired and I need to reload the page and start over.”
The Computer Science department will be offering a fall quarter course on how to log in to your UChicago account, which will satisfy a new core curriculum requirement starting in 2024.