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Five Ways to Avoid the Mysterious Wizard Who Wants to Turn You Into a Dove
It’s the quintessential UChicago experience: there’s a scary wizard staring at you from the topmost window of the I-House tower. He leaps out of the window and chases you across the quad on…
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Allen Sanderson Becomes Sociologist by Light of Full Moon
As the full moon emerged, economics professor Allen R. Sanderson was seen declaring himself a sociologist on the quad for no explicable reason.
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After Years of Confusion, PSI Decides to Just Become a Frat
The new frat, officially named “PSI, no, not that one”, will begin recruiting in April in honor of Earth Day.
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Why is the Trolley Problem On My Econ P-Set, and What Did Y’all Get?
On the one hand, 40 minutes is a lot of time, time that could be spent improving the PowerPoint I’m gonna use to fire my unpaid intern Jenny.
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3 Sex Poems from My Poetry Workshop That Scream “I’m a Virgin”
When I signed up for this poetry workshop, I had no idea that the people in it would be so horny — or so repressed. Somehow, every single poem submitted has been explicitly…
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Heartbreaking: Child in Mongolia Doesn’t Know Who Nestor Is
The University of Chicago community was shocked Monday after reports surfaced that a six-year-old child from a village in northern Mongolia is unaware of the existence of Nestor the Midway Cat. Nestor the…
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Pluto Becomes Planet Again after Quarantine Weight Gain
After a long stint of exclusion from planetary classification, Pluto has finally put on enough weight to qualify as a planet. Its weight gain results largely from a breakdown of daily habits and…
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New Admissions Essay Prompts To Produce the Worst Roommates You’ll Ever Have
“We were a little disappointed with last year’s haul,” admitted Jim Nondorf, Dean of Admissions. “This time, I know we’ve got it right. These prompts are specially designed to find the people who…
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The Shady Dealer Interviews the Thrive Slate
Two weeks after the Student Government election, we sat down with Parul Kumar and Natalie Wang of the Thrive slate to determine if they were worthy of our endorsement.
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To Combat Talks of a Meatless Future, Undergrads Create Culinary Magazine The Chicago Carnivore, Promise to Uphold Chicago Principles of Slaughtering Cattle by the Millions
Everyone on campus has been talking about the future of meat in our food - Burger King’s Impossible Whopper is now a mainstay item on their menu, Taco Bell serves a Beyond Sausage…
