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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Arts & Culture

    Joe Rogan to Star as Catherine Earnshaw in New Wuthering Heights Adaptation

    Katherine Reynolds / April 27, 2025

    Fans of the book have praised the casting of Rogan, 57, especially following the leakage of set photos showing Rogan frolicking on the moors with Jacob Elordi’s Heathcliff. 

    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    People Magazine Reports No Celebrities Have Drama This Week

    R.E. Stern and 1 more / March 12, 2025

    "Celebrities have altogether stopped cheating on each other, getting caught in embarrassing moments with paparazzi, or even making mildly controversial clothing choices on the red carpet."

    read more
  • Arts & Culture,  Off-Campus Life

    Five Things to Spend Your Money on Besides Blu-ray Copies of Ghost Rider 2

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / February 16, 2025

    Unfortunately, all those boxes of Blu-ray can fill up your attic shockingly fast.

    read more
  • Arts & Culture,  Campus Life

    Creative Writing Department Announces New Specialization in Shitty New Adult Novels

    Lydia Osborn / February 18, 2024

    Required classes include: ‘the half-bed trope: even better than one bed!’, ‘consent and how to circumvent it’, ‘why write characters when you can sculpt a red flag out of clay and pray to…

    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    Study Finds Bite Magazine Not Edible

    Maisie Thompson and 1 more / December 4, 2023

    A new report from the Journal of the Human Dietary, found that UChicago’s most prominent culinary magazine is not edible. The study, published last Wednesday, used over 300 “community testers.” The experiment was…

    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    Golden Retriever Boys Out, Indeterminate Terrier Mix Boys In Says New Poll

    Myla Keigh / November 15, 2023

    Indeterminate terrier mix boys led the polls, closely followed by Doberman-Chihuahua boys. “I’m so sick of the weaponized incompetence. Why are you in Physics for Future Presidents? You’re literally a physics major!?” said…

    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    Op-Ed: Heartbreaking! Phoebe Bridgers Broke up With Her Boyfriend, Also on a Separate Note, My Parents’ House Is Being Foreclosed on and We Don’t Have a Home

    Andre Dang / May 19, 2023

    Also, when I asked my dad about his debt, he told me a “dumb little girl like me wouldn’t understand,” and then said some unsavory things about my mom.

    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    Harry Styles Showcases New Gender-Defying Steelhead Trout Dress

    Sophie Klopfenstein and 1 more / April 11, 2023

    Another said “I think it was supposed to be an environmental statement or something, but I think he just wanted an excuse to wear fish guts."

    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    Ron Desantis Slams “Gay Ass” Rainbow Fish Book

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / April 7, 2023

    “I think it’s disgusting that our kids are reading about a limp-wristed fish on the taxpayer’s dime,” DeSantis stated.

    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    New Startup Matches Douchebags to African Safari Animals They Can Kill

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 31, 2023

    Environmental activists have touted the app as “pretty messed up” and “the solution that we didn’t ask for, but thanks, I guess”.

    read more
 Older Posts

Read It and Weep

  • Donald Trump Comes Out as Serbian Nationalist, Returns Kosovo to Serbia within 15 Days
  • Everyone’s Talking About the Price of Eggs, but What About the U.S. Trout Population?
  • Student Disgusted by “Horripilating” Decline of UChicago’s Intellectual Culture
  • UChicago Sends Melina Hale to Scope Out Northwestern for Potential Takeover
  • Phoenix AI to Stop Saying Key Words Like Bankruptcy or Debt
  • Five Caricature Artists to Befriend if You Want to Make it in This Town
  • Joe Rogan to Star as Catherine Earnshaw in New Wuthering Heights Adaptation
  • Elon Musk Announces New Ninja Branch of DOGE
  • America Withdraws Support for South Korea in Exchange for Golf Course in Pyongyang
  • Recent Study Shows Ominous Whistling in Hallway Growing Steadily Closer

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