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Masthead

Editor in Chief

Merrin Seegers

Managing Editor

Lena Birkholz

Deputy Managing Editors

Maisie Thompson

Jacob Halabe

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Photo Editor

Emilio Rosas Linhard

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Aidan Jones

Andrea Zhou

 •

Deputy Layout Editors

Vangelis Psylos

Anu Vashist

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Area Man Sings Aria

    Kate Kaplin / February 27, 2020

    Another announcement from across the midway: an assembly of people near the area have reported the appearance of an anomalous activity. Although not acclaimed for his singing ability, our Area Man assumed that…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Longstanding UChicago Tradition Datamatch Returns for Its Second Year

    Kate Kaplin / February 2, 2020

    “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch!”  That’s right, folks, it’s that time again: your favorite event of Winter Quarter, nay, the year, is back! Datamatch,…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Trump Signs Executive Order Making “Gangnam Style” the Official National Anthem

    Kate Kaplin / January 19, 2020

    Get ready to gallop into the New Year because President Trump has found a way to make all sports games from now until forever a lot more exciting and culturally relevant.  Say goodbye…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Lonely First Year, Desperate for Pet, Grows Mold

    Kate Kaplin / January 17, 2020

    Everyone should know by this point in the year that the only pets allowed in dorms are the RH’s dogs and kids. Kevin Garcia, however, discovered the loophole of all loopholes. He spilled…

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  • A Guide to Emotionally Preparing for Canvas Notifications
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  • Senioritis Overtakes COVID as Dominant Viral Infection on Campus

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