Chicago Shady Dealer

Area Man Sings Aria

Another announcement from across the midway: an assembly of people near the area have reported the appearance of an anomalous activity. Although not acclaimed for his singing ability, our Area Man assumed that he could make do by articulating his adjectives, adverbs, and appositives, as well as by accentuating his physical beauty. Unfortunately, he had no awareness of his attractiveness (which was average) and had incorrectly augmented his appearance in his arithmetic for what would count as an acceptable performance. Amazingly, only a few amateur opera singers have ever attempted such an accomplishment, so his goal was to have the audience feel the antonym of animosity around him. Accordingly, the audience was astonished that the aria wasn’t an abomination. An audience member even noted that parts of his auditory arrangement appeared autotuned. All in all, his voice was adequate, although not amazing. But overall, his aria was an actual aria and not an appalling atrocity.

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Managing Editor, 2022-23