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Area Man Sings Aria
Another announcement from across the midway: an assembly of people near the area have reported the appearance of an anomalous activity. Although not acclaimed for his singing ability, our Area Man assumed that…
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Longstanding UChicago Tradition Datamatch Returns for Its Second Year
“Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch!” That’s right, folks, it’s that time again: your favorite event of Winter Quarter, nay, the year, is back! Datamatch,…
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Trump Signs Executive Order Making “Gangnam Style” the Official National Anthem
Get ready to gallop into the New Year because President Trump has found a way to make all sports games from now until forever a lot more exciting and culturally relevant. Say goodbye…
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Lonely First Year, Desperate for Pet, Grows Mold
Everyone should know by this point in the year that the only pets allowed in dorms are the RH’s dogs and kids. Kevin Garcia, however, discovered the loophole of all loopholes. He spilled…
