Chicago Shady Dealer

I Thoroughly Enjoyed Thanksgiving with My Family

I had a great time in upstate New York with a few of my relatives this Turkey Day.

Before dinner even started, Mom was already pretty upset because my seventeen-year-old brother, Kyle, told Grandma that he worships Satan now. I don’t understand why Mom was so mad though, because I think it’s really great that our family can have such an open dialogue about religion. Also, it’s nice that Kyle has finally found something to call his own.

After the turkey was carved, Cousin Ashley took advantage of the good humor around the table to break the news that she had gotten a speeding ticket last weekend. Since it’s her third since July, I was surprised to hear Uncle Tim get so angry at her. You’d think that he would be more compassionate because she’s had to go through too so many ordeals already this year.

Sure, it was kind of awkward when Aunt Judy started talking about her recent colonoscopy in reference to the consistency of the gravy. Other people were bothered by her explicit description of a camera entering her anus, but I think family should be supportive through good times and bad, so I was more than happy to hear about it. Unfortunately, our discussion was cut short when Judy spilled her fifth glass of Chardonnay while reenacting the colonoscopy.

On our way out the door, Grandma asked when I was going to get married. It is always really reassuring when my extended family takes such an intense interest in the intimate details of my personal life, because it tells me that they care.

I always hate having to say goodbye to my family, but it’s nice to know that I’ll be seeing them at Christmas!

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