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Wall Street Is Filled With Evil Capitalist Scum Except My Dad
By Ryan Fleishman May 11, 2017 Wall Street Is Filled With Evil Capitalist Scum Except My DadListen up, sheeple. Now that you’ve spent some time at the University of Chicago, you should be…
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How To Stay Calm When Your Bowling Date Misses An Easy 7-10 Split
By Ryan Fleishman May 12, 2017 How To Stay Calm When Your Bowling Date Misses An Easy 7-10 SplitWe’ve all been there:. yYou‘ are on a bowling date with a seemingly nice girl…
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My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It
By Greer Baxter May 14, 2017 My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It Every single student…
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Ok, That’s The Last Time I Date An Undecided Voter
By Greer Baxter May 14, 2017 Ok, That’s The Last Time I Date An Undecided Voter So I met this cute guy at a party, and he let it slip that he was…
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An Alphabetical Guide to Parties
By Chase Harrison May 15, 2017 Darties. Garties. RacistConstructionThemedarties. Who can keep track of all the types of parties these days? I can. Yes, I, Chase Harrison, Chief Correspondent of the Shady Dealer…
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Distressed President Zimmer Forcibly Removed from O’Hare Airport for Soliciting Donations
By Dan Lastres May 15, 2017 Distressed President Zimmer forcibly removed from O’Hare airport for soliciting donations An arrest report released today by the Chicago Police Department confirmed that University President Robert J.…
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Heartwarming! After This Campus Tour Guide Fell off the Roof of Logan, Her Entire Tour Group Followed Her Anyways!
By Dan Lastres May 15, 2017 Heartwarming! After this Campus tour guide fell off the roof of Logan, her entire tour group followed her anyways!You never know when tragedy is going to strike,…
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Airline Passenger Detained For Possession of Lethal Weapon 4
By Reed Thurston May 15, 2017 Muslim Air Passenger Detained For Possession of Lethal Weapon 4 Amid the ongoing turbulence of public concern over the safety of air travel in the United States,…
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Dean Ellison Screams as Scav Participants Rip out His Still-Beating Heart
By Dan Lastres May 15, 2017 Dean Ellison Screams as Scav Participants Rip out his Still-beating Heart Mother’s Day Weekend took a turn for the worse on Sundayaturday evening, as Scav participants jumped…
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Local Horse Festival Immediately Followed By Local Glue Festival
By Ryan Fleishman May 16, 2017 Local Horse Festival Immediately Followed By Local Glue Festival The Chicago Horse Festival, Aafter rocking the foundations of the city Chicago with their awesome celebration of and…
