By Nik Varley, 1787 Jan. 22, 2016 Sources at the Constitutional Convention told Sources at the Constitutional Convention told the Shady Dealer this morning that the American Constitution will not include Ben Franklin’s…

By Liam Coles Jan. 22, 2016 WASHINGTON, 2019– Just yesterday on 19th March 2019 around 6:30 PM EST, just over two years since President Trump took office, America officially became great again. Living…

By Chase Harrison, 1867 Jan. 22, 2016 I’ve seen a lot of follies on my time on this planet, but this is the folly to end all follies. What in God’s name were…

By Mildred Prossmith, 1912 Jan. 22, 2016 Dear Esteemed “Chicago Shady Dealer,” I’m writing to you as a concerned citizen who has been repeatedly turned away from The Chicago Tribune and The New…

By Willamina Groething Jan. 24, 2016

By Willamina Groething, 2056 Jan. 24, 2016 Robert Jeffrey Zimmer, age 108, beloved husband of Shadi Bartsch, of Chicago, IL, died at home Tuesday September 26, 2056. The Nobel Peace Laureate was the…

By Liam Coles Jan. 29, 2016 Rapper and Social Justice Warrior Ben “Macklemore” Haggerty is currently searching for another marginalized group save after yet again putting an end to an injustice with his…

By Zachary Spitz Feb. 2, 2016 On Monday, after months of vigorous campaigning across the state of Iowa, Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas wascame out on the receiving end of a massive caucus.…

By Marco Rubio Feb. 2, 2016 Recently, there’s been a lot of talk about Donald Trump and his New York values. Values like yelling, rudeness, pickles, complaining, “‘fahgettingbout things“’, pigeons, and elitism. Well,…

By Nik Varley Feb. 8, 2016 Researchers at CERN were thrilled to announce this morning that they have confirmed the existence of an entirely new bowl. The discovery was made using CERN’s Large…