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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
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    Top 5 Ways to Meet People on TransLoc

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    Will The Circle Be Unbroken? An Analysis of the Daytona 500

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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    Joe Biden Accidentally Slips Tongue into Mother’s Ear

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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    Two Brothers with a Dream, a Dog, and Their Grandmother’s Secret Recipe File for Bankruptcy

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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    Obama Library to Replace South Side

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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    I Fundamentally Misunderstood the Concept of Airbnb: An Apology

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    It Only Hurts Until You Man Up and Get Over It

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Amazon Announces Plans to Ship Consumers Directly to Product

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    UCPD Seeks Budget Approval For Meddling Kids and Dumb Dog

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    20 Ways to Please Your Man

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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