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Joe Biden Accidentally Slips Tongue into Mother’s Ear
By Sam Taylor March 1, 2015 Vice President Joe Biden was photographed last Saturday vigorously fondling his mother’s left earlobe during a private family gathering at his Washington D.C. residence. “What made it…
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Two Brothers with a Dream, a Dog, and Their Grandmother’s Secret Recipe File for Bankruptcy
By Chris Deakin March 1, 2015 The people: two simple college roommate brother twins. The ingredients: a cooler of berries, a labradoodle named Chuck, and a commitment to good natural flavors. The result:…
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Obama Library to Replace South Side
By Evan Bernstein March 1, 2015 Representatives of the Barack Obama Foundation announced Sunday that they have made their recommendation to the President, and that the President has made his decision regarding the…
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I Fundamentally Misunderstood the Concept of Airbnb: An Apology
By Evan Bernstein March 1, 2015 I would like to formally convey my sincerest apologies to Miss Anne Marie Wilson of Marietta, Ohio, for what I assure you was an innocent, albeit fundamental,…
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It Only Hurts Until You Man Up and Get Over It
By Dan’s Tough Dad March 1, 2015 Let me take you back. It’s 1983. I have a full head of hair and a BMI of 24. I’m preparing to go to the qualifying…
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Amazon Announces Plans to Ship Consumers Directly to Product
By Chris Deakin March 1, 2015 In a press conference this morning, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos announced that the online retailer will begin delivery of clients to their desired product as early as…
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UCPD Seeks Budget Approval For Meddling Kids and Dumb Dog
By Natalie Friedberg March 1, 2015 Last Tuesday, Marlon C. Lynch, UCPD Chief and Associate Vice President for Safety, Security and Civic Affairs, submitted a request for a $1,000,000 budget increase in order…
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20 Ways to Please Your Man
By Evan Bernstein April 23, 2015 20 Ways to Please Your Man These twenty tips are sure to spice things up in the bedroom, shower, or empty train car! 1. Touch it Touching…
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New Realistic Barbie to Have Anxiety, Depression
By Morgan Pantuck April 23, 2015 Parents and children alike are buzzing with excitement over Mattel, Inc.’s recent announcement that the company will release a new, realistic Barbie doll this summer, “Sad-Feelings Sandra.”…
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I Ate Mascara For Six Days and It Made Me Very Sick
By Morgan Pantuck April 23, 2015 I’ll be honest—I’ve never really been a “girly girl.” When other teens were figuring out high heels and accessories, I was belching loudly and watching NASCAR. Actually,…
