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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Politics

    Biden Chooses Kamala Harris for President, Joe Biden for VP

    R.E. Stern / August 12, 2020

    SCRANTON, PA – In a historic, bizarre, and unprecedented move, Joe Biden announced today that he had selected himself as the Democratic vice-presidential candidate. Biden also announced that Kamala Harris would replace him…

    read more
  • Politics

    Rahm Leaves Chicago, Goes to Hell

    / September 16, 2018

    At a shocking press conference held Tuesday, Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel announced he would not be seeking reelection. Reading from prepared remarks, Emanuel explained his last-minute withdrawal from the mayoral campaign. “I’m leaving…

    read more
  • Politics

    Mitt Romney Still Cries Self to Sleep at Night

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic Feb. 18, 2016 The 2012 election haunts many of us, but no one more so than former Massachusetts governor Willard Mitt Romney. Tormented by his loss to President Barack…

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  • Politics

    Jeb Bush Suspends Campaign to Become Inflatable Man outside Car Dealership

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic Feb. 18, 2016 Former Florida Governor John Ellis “Jeb” Bush has announced he plans to droppped out of the race for the presidency after weak performances in early primaries.…

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  • Politics

    What are Your Favorite Presidential Candidates Doing Over Winter Break?

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic Nov. 19, 2015 10. This holiday season, Jeb Bush will avoid appearing in any family photos. 9. In a break from Trump family tradition, the Donald will give Christmas presents…

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Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • Harvard Student: If I Didn’t Want an A, I Would’ve Gone to UChicago!
  • Point: Cancel Classes for Snow / Counterpoint: You Knew Chicago Was Colder Than California
  • Econ Professor: University Could “Fix Deficit” by Repossessing Free Orientation T-Shirts
  • In sharp response to ICE aggression, Democrats write extremely angry letter
  • Student to Test Limits of Regenstein’s “Snacks but No Meals” Policy
  • Student killed by Roommate’s Anthropomorphic Lamp
  • The Three Sub-Schools of UChicago
  • Bowls of Adderall Labeled “Don’t Do It ;)” Found Across Campus
  • Trump creates “Random Gender Generator” to replace X markers on passports
  • Point: I would love you if you turned into a worm/Counterpoint: I would not love you if you turned into a worm

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