Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism
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Four startups and products that are guaranteed to fail
Howdy folks! It’s Bob again, ready to provide you with the good, the bad, and the ugly of the startup scene. This newsletter also includes a list of hot new gadgets to check…
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Mourning The Molassacre
The list goes on and on, and we are pleased to say that all of our victims have been avenged. First they put us in this shitty tank, and then they didn’t even…
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Odyssey Scholars Program replaced by David Rubenstein Sugar Baby Program
Incoming students from low-income backgrounds will be able to come to the school in exchange for their sexual services to the investors of the DRSB fund. At first, the DRSB fund will be…
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Woodlawn to host a bake sale to raise money for new carpet! Cupcakes $20,000 each
“Make no mistake, this is not your average bakesale,” says Woodlawn resident Overa Chiever. “This is a UChicago exclusive bakesale. Please, buy a Marx Macaron. Or perhaps a Core Cupcake.”
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Deal of the Century! “Functional Government” Listed on Black Friday Sale for $54.99
The item’s listing claims the product possesses “24 gallons of integrity,” comes in beige, white, and "multicultural," and is covered by an 18-month warranty.
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Everyone Saw You Press “No Tip”
“That wasn’t a performance review? I thought I was selecting ‘no tip’ as in ‘no tips needed,’ you were fabulous!”
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Apply for the Royal Internship
Applicants must be at least 33% inbred.
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Call Him Forrest Gump: Second Year Lands Dream Internship Working on a Super Prestigious Shrimping Boat
Johnson spoke passionately about the opportunities presented in the shrimp boat industry that will allow him to make ample use of his Slavic Studies major, Biology minor.
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RSOs Announce New Early Decision Plans
"Early applications are one way to show commitment to an RSO, most likely mine, and boost applicants' chances–presuming you had a chance anyway.”
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Holsman and Lynch Sumer Finance Internship (Paid) – posted 2 days ago
Have you always wanted to do something charitable to benefit society? Have you dreamed of entering the nonprofit sector to use your skills for good? Me fucking neither. This is finance, BABY!
