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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    Call Him Forrest Gump: Second Year Lands Dream Internship Working on a Super Prestigious Shrimping Boat

    Chicago Shady Dealer Newsdesk / April 11, 2023

    Johnson spoke passionately about the opportunities presented in the shrimp boat industry that will allow him to make ample use of his Slavic Studies major, Biology minor.

    read more
  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    RSOs Announce New Early Decision Plans

    Niko Natheos / November 14, 2022

    "Early applications are one way to show commitment to an RSO, most likely mine, and boost applicants' chances–presuming you had a chance anyway.”

    read more
  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    Holsman and Lynch Sumer Finance Internship (Paid) – posted 2 days ago

    Drew Landrowski / April 18, 2021

    Have you always wanted to do something charitable to benefit society? Have you dreamed of entering the nonprofit sector to use your skills for good? Me fucking neither. This is finance, BABY!

    read more
  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism,  Oh the Places You'll Go!

    UChicago Grad Now Boss of his Former High School Bully

    Jackson McNamee / November 25, 2020

    “It’s so crazy! It’s just like that old saying: don’t bully the nerd cause they might grow up to be your boss. But hey, don’t get me wrong! I’m not working these guys…

    read more
  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    How to Make Up an Internship to Appease Your Parents

    Anonymous / May 16, 2019

    It’s May, and those of you with bad luck (and/or a bad resume) may still not have heard back from anywhere about summer internships. You may be feeling stressed out — Career Advancement…

    read more

Read It and Weep

  • Utah Replaces All Water Supply With Electrolytes, ‘Cause That’s What Plants Crave
  • [Redacted] is the Best Fucking Frat at UChicago, in a Tolstoyan Sense
  • Non-political Maroon Article Gets View
  • OpenAI Unveils New Model of ChatGPT Capable of Developing Anxiety Disorders
  • Jason Momoa Rocks the Minecraft Movie, Brings in 2000% More Hot Moms than Predicted
  • Major League Baseball Removes Retired Number 42 After Trump Calls Out DEI Agenda
  • Study Finds Jesus’ Crucifixion Likely Hurt a Lot
  • UChicago Booth School of Business Suggests University Impose Tariffs on International Students
  • “The More I See The Kendrick Lamar Halftime Show, The More I Like It!” Says My Aunt Laura
  • Eric M. Heath Accidentally Sends Safety Email to Hyde Park Crooks, Ne’er-do-wells

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