The Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    Apply for the Royal Internship

    Andrea Zhou / October 2, 2025

    Applicants must be at least 33% inbred.

    read more
  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    Call Him Forrest Gump: Second Year Lands Dream Internship Working on a Super Prestigious Shrimping Boat

    Chicago Shady Dealer Newsdesk / April 11, 2023

    Johnson spoke passionately about the opportunities presented in the shrimp boat industry that will allow him to make ample use of his Slavic Studies major, Biology minor.

    read more
  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    RSOs Announce New Early Decision Plans

    Niko Natheos / November 14, 2022

    "Early applications are one way to show commitment to an RSO, most likely mine, and boost applicants' chances–presuming you had a chance anyway.”

    read more
  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    Holsman and Lynch Sumer Finance Internship (Paid) – posted 2 days ago

    Drew Landrowski / April 18, 2021

    Have you always wanted to do something charitable to benefit society? Have you dreamed of entering the nonprofit sector to use your skills for good? Me fucking neither. This is finance, BABY!

    read more
  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism,  Oh the Places You'll Go!

    UChicago Grad Now Boss of his Former High School Bully

    Jackson McNamee / November 25, 2020

    “It’s so crazy! It’s just like that old saying: don’t bully the nerd cause they might grow up to be your boss. But hey, don’t get me wrong! I’m not working these guys…

    read more
  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    How to Make Up an Internship to Appease Your Parents

    Anonymous / May 16, 2019

    It’s May, and those of you with bad luck (and/or a bad resume) may still not have heard back from anywhere about summer internships. You may be feeling stressed out — Career Advancement…

    read more

Read It and Weep

  • Point: Someday, you’ll be forgotten by history / Counterpoint: I sold some really bad copper
  • Andrew Cuomo announces 2028 presidential campaign
  • Heists are back baby! Let’s steal the haunted amulet in the basement of Mansueto
  • Confused Animal Rights Group seen protesting outside NFL HQ after Bad Bunny announcement
  • Religious Studies Class Taught by Pope Leo XIV Cancelled Due to Federal Cuts
  • Trump accidentally destroys East Wing of Woodlawn
  • All Microeconomics 101 Students Swapped into Beginner Akkadian in Add-Drop Fiasco
  • First Year Formally Reprimanded for Failing to Intellectualize Homesickness
  • University to introduce affirmative action for guys named Sean (Shaun and Shawn excluded)
  • In his second memoir, “Ignore My First One,” Vance reveals that the root of his anger toward Zelensky was his thick lashes.

Chicago Shady Dealer

  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Archives

Categories

For Writers

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
© 2026 Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
Ashe Theme by WP Royal.