The soon-to-be defunded research and development team of the Shady Dealer is here with some helpful advice to save your grade! Please use these tips responsibly and under no circumstances tell anyone where…

If you ask me, if we were characters in Leo Tolstoy’s 1878 classic novel Anna Karenina, all of those guys in the other frats would 100% be Alexei Vronsky.

“We are asking around to make sure the click didn’t come from one of our staff, and so far, it hasn’t.”

The recommendation, published in a 300-page working paper entitled “Invisible Hands, Visible Fees,” outlines a dynamic pricing model in which students from abroad would pay additional “access tariffs” to enroll in classes, attend…

The message included a coded map to the location of the spare key to the administration building—guided by a limerick written by Former Dean John Boyer—and the fact that UChicago blue lights are…

University leadership admitted in a press conference Tuesday that the scaffolding was not actually theirs. When asked how this could have happened, University President Paul Alivisatos dabbed his forehead with a gold monogrammed…

"I applied ED to this derelict institution under the fatuous impression that it was still a citadel of higher thought. Yet with each passing day I am compoundingly impelled to think that we…

Hale’s actions have spurred rumors that UChicago is trying to take over a school with fewer Big Ten football wins than it (UChicago 7, Northwestern 0). 

“Letting Phoenix AI tell the few students who didn't know about the University’s debts would’ve killed the last bit of fun they had left. Come on, let ‘em live a little.”

It seems to me you still have a highly a posteriori frame of mind. But fiat justitia ruat caelum, nevertheless.