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UChicago Introduces 4:30 AM Final Exams, Citing Cost-Saving
A follow-up announcement clarified that students would be expected to move out within one hour of their last final to avoid a $5000 fine and a one-point deduction to their GPA.
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Meet Frank, UChicago’s First International Student from Vatican City
Frank, dressed in all white and sporting a delightfully eccentric hat, reports being “born” in 2003 but “doesn’t feel a day over 60.”
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So You Have a Big Dick? Here Are 6 Better Ways to Prove It Than Going to a Gun Range With the College Republicans
Major in Biz Econ: What better way to prove your one-eyed trouser snake is well above average than by playing with coloring books all day?
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What Your Favorite Coffee Shop Says About You
Hallowed: Your last date looked like the girl from Jean-Luc Godard’s Breathless.
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New Humanities Core Sequence for STEM Majors Will Teach Punctuation
“I have good words! Humanities bad!” protested Pat Greeneberg, a Bio major.
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International House Students Steal Thousands of Maroon Dollars from University Dining
Our sources have already received rumors of an underground Maroon Dollar trading poker ring operating under the Regenstein Library…
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UChicago Course Catalog Includes New Devil’s Advocate Class
Typical texts include some combination of Shapiro, Davis, Reich, and Owens."
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Why Unions Are Bad Actually (Not Sponsored by University of Chicago)
Unions are the only group which can negotiate for you: if you’re represented by a union, you’ll only have negotiating power as a collective rather than a super cool, maverick, lone wolf individual…
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Top Twenty Things on Other People’s Laptops You Can Pay Attention to Instead of Your Bio Topics Lecture
Youtube fan edit for the 90s classic Y Tu Mama Tambien.
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Heartbreaking! DU Invested Entire Fund Into FTX
Reports show DU members begging for Maroon Dollars outside the Reg to repay their debt, although no member responded to our request for comment.
