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Dean Boyer Unpeels Like Banana to Reveal Younger, Cooler Dean Boyer
"In my tenure as my own replacement, I will prioritize making the students of the University of Chicago cooler than ever-before-seen in our illustrious history."
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UChicago Dining Releases Book of 300 “Adequate” Chicken Recipes
Head of UChicago Dining, Christopher Toote, lauds the recipes as “technically edible.”
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New Shuttle Route Takes You to a Date with Pete Davidson
The destination is a mystery, but the promise of Pete Davidson should assuage any worry.
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Frat Party Crème Brulée Surprisingly Good
“The party was kind of disappointing,” said first-year Shel Terdkid, “but the smoky notes in the caramelized sugar will stick with me forever. ”
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How to Support Pedestrians This Pedestrian Safety Week
Rob your nearest thrift store to provide bright clothing for the pedestrians.
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Second, Much-Nicer Couch Found Between Cushions of House Lounge Couch
While cleaning out the couch in its house lounge Thursday, residents of Markovitz House were shocked to discover an object lodged between its cushions: a second, much-nicer couch.
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10 Things to Do in SOSC That Will Send a Message to the Guy That Ghosted You
Say, “Yeah Marx actually said that capitalism has torn the family apart. I guess I can relate to that,” and look over semi-wistfully.
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“I’m Such A Klepto,” Says White Girl Stealing Banana From Baker
“I can’t even, guys. This morning, I turned my stove all the way up. I’m such a pyro, you guys.”
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Writing Tutor Too Uncomfortable to Kick Out Couple Making Out in Cubicle
“Look, I just fix their writing,” she said, “I’m not qualified to intervene here. Plus, they made it clear I wasn’t invited.”
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University Introduces Brand-New Career Adviser Adviser Position
The counselors will also advise career advisers on the advancement of their own careers, which university officials described as “kind of a lost cause”.