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It’s Your God-Given Right to Overreact to the FiveThirtyEight Election Forecast
With political candidates in today’s 24-hour news cycle, it’s less “what have you done for me?” and more “what have you done for me lately?” Who cares which political candidate is best for…
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Biden Chooses Kamala Harris for President, Joe Biden for VP
SCRANTON, PA – In a historic, bizarre, and unprecedented move, Joe Biden announced today that he had selected himself as the Democratic vice-presidential candidate. Biden also announced that Kamala Harris would replace him…
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Dealer Music Review: “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”
What happens when a girl loves America’s pastime so much she insists that all of her dates be at sporting events? Lyricist Jack Norwood and composer Albert Von Tisler give us the answer…
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With University Moving Online, Dealer To Publish Issues Via Fax
CHICAGO, IL – Representatives for the Shady Dealer announced today that, despite the University of Chicago’s move towards online classes, the paper would keep publishing, albeit in a different format. Effective immediately, new…
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Where Does One Go for a Good Time Wednesday Evening?
UChicago has made great steps toward shedding its “where fun goes to die” reputation. So why is it that I still can’t find anything exciting to do on Wednesday nights? I know what…
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Longstanding UChicago Tradition Datamatch Returns for Its Second Year
“Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch!” That’s right, folks, it’s that time again: your favorite event of Winter Quarter, nay, the year, is back! Datamatch,…
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How to Get Enough Participation Points to Pass Thanksgiving Dinner
Thanksgiving break is upon us, but that doesn’t mean the pressure is off. Here are five great ways to ensure that your participation grade for Thanksgiving dinner is an excellent one: Ask questions…
