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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Arts & Culture

    New Report Casts Doubt on George Santos’ Claim to Danish Throne

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / February 3, 2023

    The Danish National Archives said in an email that it was “pretty sure we would know if Queen Alexandrine had a whole ass son in 1898.”

    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    History PhD Candidate Realizes Zachary Taylor “Not Interesting,” Starts Thesis from Scratch

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / November 29, 2022

    "If I’m dedicating a good chunk of my life to writing about someone else, they should be someone who didn’t lose the party’s nomination to John J. Crittenden."

    read more
  • Politics

    Value of Pound Drops Drastically in Comparison to Maroon Dollar

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / October 21, 2022

    "The pound’s strong exchange rate with the Burgundy Dollar and the Crimson Dollar are encouraging, but that its persistent weakness against the Scarlet Dollar, the Carmine Dollar, and the Vermillion Dollar are cause…

    read more
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • Virtual Reality Game Sucker Debuts to Much Fanfare
  • Hear! Hear! Selling 10 Packs of Light Bulbs for the Low Price of $1500
  • UChicago Requires Library+ to Access Books
  • Point: We Should Increase Fire Drills/Counterpoint: Let’s Add A Gym Requirement Instead
  • Apply for the Royal Internship
  • Bridge Between Quad and Reg Somehow Collapses Despite Being Solid Road
  • “Back to Basics” Aims of Education Address Stresses, Shapes, Counting
  • In Addition to Fluoridated Water
  • Peer Mentor “Thrilled” for Group Meeting, Spends 45 Minutes on a Lonely Zoom Call
  • Some Motherfucker Broke the Woodlawn Study Room Window over the Summer, Haha!

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