By Evan Bernstein April 26, 2015 Marital problems? We’ve all been there. Some people will tell you to talk it out, but sometimes it’s best to keep your troubles to yourself and never…

By Sam Taylor March 1, 2015 Vice President Joe Biden was photographed last Saturday vigorously fondling his mother’s left earlobe during a private family gathering at his Washington D.C. residence. “What made it…

By Evan Bernstein Feb. 1, 2015 PARIS 1986 – A review of the Lumière brothers’ The Arrival of a Train at La Ciotat Station Oh God oh Jesus oh no oh God everybody…

By Shady Dealer Editorial Board Jan. 10, 2015 At the moment we exit the womb, we enter into a pervasive societal delusion. The mothers who raise us and nurture us also claim to…

By Chicago Shady Dealer Nov. 27, 2014 New Police Handbook Instructs Officers to Close Their Eyes, Spin Around Three Times Before Shooting An update to a national police best practices guide will instruct…

By Editorial Board Nov. 16, 2014 We realize that at the University of Chicago, stress can get to you. There are classes to take, midterms for which to study, student groups in which…

By Willamina Groething Oct. 24, 2014 President Obama’s recent Chicago visit was interrupted Sunday by what White House officials are calling a “misunderstanding” with the University of Chicago Police Department. The UCPD responded…

By Chris Deakin Aug. 4, 2014 RH’s Child Knows What You Did With Orientation Week in its second day, sources close to Resident Heads George and Patty Finch of Janotta House can confirm…

By Mary Vansuch April 20, 2014 University of Chicago freshmen  was bestowed a MacArthur Award last Monday for accomplishing a truly extraordinary task: using his friend Alex’s preferred gender pronoun, “they.” When…

By The Easter Bunny April 20, 2014 There will be an attack. I can’t tell you when or where, but it is going to happen. Soon. And there will be casualties. In the…