By DJ LoBraico June 1, 2013 According to a recent report commissioned by the Office of Career Advancement, three of the most marketable and career-ready members of the graduating College class of 2013…

By Stephen Lurie April 29, 2013 In a move that is bound to shock the homosexual world, Senator Tammy Baldwin has revealed that she is a professional basketball player for the Milwaukee Bucks…

By Stephen Lurie March 4, 2013 A Chicago Shady Dealer investigation has uncovered indisputable evidence that police officers in the employ of the UCPD have been operating undercover in a wide array of…

By Design Committee – Gerald Ratner Athletics Center Feb. 6, 2013 ADMINISTRATION BUILDING, ROOM 301 Attendees Chairman of the Board of Trustees: Edgar D. Jannotta Vice-Chairman of the Board of Trustees: James S.…

By Nora Helfand Jan. 7, 2013 You all know David Axelrod, Nate Silver, Kurt Vonnegut, and Vixen; Edwin Hubble, John Ashcroft, Roger Ebert and Blitzen. But do you recall the most obscure College…

By Walker King Nov. 12, 2012 Details have just begun to emerge regarding the conditions in Professor Barry Heitzman’s section of the Greek Thought and Literature class, where students were reportedly kept chained…

By Matt Montequin Oct. 25, 2012 You may remember vodka from high school. All vodka is essentially rubbing alcohol, or so you thought on prom night. If you are a premium adult beverage…

By Harry Weinstein Jan. 30, 2019   Alpha Delt may have cancelled this week’s bar night because of a polar vortex, but they will not stop me from spending my Wednesday nights like…

By Marc Whyte Nov. 25, 2018 Every year, thousands of newly-seasoned college freshmen are supposed to return home for Thanksgiving to reunite with their high school friends, share their college stories with family,…

By Patrick Sheehan Nov. 2, 2018 Citing the success of his last “micro-donation,” Max Palevsky has decided to devote another fifteen dollars to open a new complex of dormitories at UChicago. President Zimmer,…