By Anna Newport Feb. 24, 2013 A new study commissioned by the Office of the Dean of Students’ has concluded that many of the academic and personal problems experienced by first-year students stem…

By Nigel Pennington Feb. 4, 2013 Anno Domini 1161—Today, I’d like to talk about today’s hot animal-related topic: dragons. Everyone’s heard of them, nobody’s seen them, but everybody’s afraid of them. Well, there…

By Daniel Moattar Jan. 3, 2013 As the year-end deadline approaches, public ire and political acrimony over the United States’ “Fiscal Cliff” have approached a breaking point. “Leave me alone, you assholes,” said…

By Matthew Goldenberg Nov. 10, 2012 In an unprecedented display of social interaction, a front desk employee at Ratner Athletics Center greeted a patron coming in to exercise by saying “hello” cheerfully. The…

By Hannah Gitlin Oct. 21, 2012 Residents of the University of Chicago’s International House were caught off guard last week when a Christopher Malone stumbled up to the door of the stately building…

By Sam Nitkin Dec. 8, 2018 Growing up a young Jewish boy in a predominantly Christian area, I get it. You never had a Christmas tree. Your attempts to get your dad to…

By John Buterbaugh Dec. 5, 2018 With shades of the seventies, Donald Trump managed to dodge responsibility for yet another conflict: this time, the battle for the U.S. House of Representatives. At a press…

By Troy Sharp Nov. 2, 2018   A spokesperson for the University of Chicago Police Department (UCPD) announced that California Bay Area Resident Ben Miller was taken captive by a scurry of squirrels…

by Cornelius Amadeus Ginger III Oct. 26, 2018 It’s third week and, if you’re like me, you’re probably just now realizing how your limited success in high school makes you nothing but a…

By Deblina Mukherjee Sept. 24, 2018 1. When people ask if you peaked in college, you will be able to unambiguously answer, “No!” Ah, the thrill of posting memes regurgitated from Twitter and…