Chicago Shady Dealer

Area Dog Learns to Use Facebook

By Hannah Gitlin

Oct. 21, 2012

It’’s dinnertime in the Powell household. Steven and Gwen Powell, and their children Anna, 17, and Sarah, 15, are seated around the dinner table. The family dog, Toby, is in the other room begging for scraps through Facebook Messenger.

The most recent message reads, ““chicken chicken chicken chicken plzzzzzz!!!!!!””

“”He learned how to use Facebook about a week ago,”” says Steven Powell, a history teacher at a local high school. “”Ever since then he’’s been a nightmare.”

Toby is a 2-year-old Bichon Frisé. Bichons are hypoallergenic, good with kids and other dogs, and, according to the Powell family, “shouldn’’t be allowed to use Facebook.”

““It’’s pathetic,”” says Anna Powell. ““Look at my newsfeed; it’s all him. ‘Like this if you hate fleas, ignore if you don’’t care?’ Please. He’’s such a joke.””

Ever since Toby, who also enjoys sniffing shoes and chewing on ladies undergarments in his leisure time, learned how to use Facebook, “he’’s been “totally addicted,”” according to Sarah Powell. ““He’’s been messaging me nonstop. I’’m like, are you always online? Stop bothering me.””

In recent days Toby has posted status updates remarking on the utility of laser pointers, including “thinks laser pointers are sooooooooo fun lol!!!””, the olfactory siren song of a freshly cooked meal, ““omg!!! dinner smells sooooooo good! i think im gonna hafta steal it lol!!””, and nineties nostalgia, “LIKE THIS IF YOU REMEMBER THE 90s”.”

““He doesn’t remember the 90s,”” says Gwen Powell. ““Dogs don’t have great memories. And he’’s 2.””

“I’’m not going to like this picture, even though I do hate fleas, and the number of times he posts it isn’t going to change that”,” added Gwen.

Unfortunately, Toby was unable to comment since he is a dog.