After Seeing Trump’s Shitshow, Democrats Attempt to Resurrect Jimmy Carter for 2028
New Democratic Party chairperson Ken Martin has announced that his party will be promoting the resurrection of former President Jimmy Carter ahead of the 2028 presidential election.
“Look, we all know that Trump’s presidency is, and I wanna be honest here, a fucking shitshow,” Martin said at a press conference explaining the party’s decision. I mean, it’s been two weeks and that asshole already threatens to upend our democracy. However, the results of this past election clearly indicate that Americans want a really old white dude to be their president. We won in 2020 with Joe Biden, who’s like the third oldest boy of all time, but lost in 2016 and 2024 when we had women. I think the message is clear.”
Therefore, in order to regain a competitive edge ahead of the 2028 election, the Democratic Party has announced that they will cancel primaries, instead concentrating all their efforts on resurrecting beloved Grammy winner (and former president) Jimmy Carter. Details of the exact method of resurrection have not been announced; however, perhaps in an effort to regain the trust of totally-not-oligarchic Silicon Valley billionaires, it has been suggested that Carter be resurrected through creating an AI-powered android that looks like the Georgian peanut lovin’ president.
Vivian Psylos
Proudly serving misinformation since 2019. Things are perfect right now, would not change a thing!
