Chicago Shady Dealer

Op-Ed: Eight Nights is a Little Excessive

By Sam Nitkin
Dec. 8, 2018

Growing up a young Jewish boy in a predominantly Christian area, I get it. You never had a Christmas tree. Your attempts to get your dad to hang up “Hanukkah lights” on the roof were met with him telling you he wishes you had never been born. Mariah Carey doesn’t sing any songs about your holiday. I understand, you’re a bit jealous. But don’t you think having eight nights of Chanukah is overcompensating a bit?

The average holiday is just over five days long. Just what exactly are us Jews trying to prove? Perhaps is Hannuka was shorter, schools would give students time off for the holiday, but as it stands, it just won’t fit in the school calendar, it’s just too big. We need to learn that length doesn’t matter, it’s about how you use it.

Christmas is only one day, yet Christians have managed to make the holiday dominate our every waking moment for nearly two months. I would take a Christmas tree over a Chanukkah bush any day. People scream with joy when they wake up on Christmas morning. No one ever screams for any night of the Jewish festival of light. It’s too long, you just get bored of it.

Studies show that eight nights of presents is often just overwhelming, and most significant others report they’d rather take four or five. “It really allows you to appreciate what you have,” reported a nice Jewish boy.

So this year, instead of saying “It’s lit fam,” or “Happy Challah Days” as you stuff yourself full of dining hall tater tots pretending they’re latkes and playing dreidel drinking games, tell your friends that maybe Chanukka should be a bit shorter this year. I mean, haven’t us Jews already suffered enough?