Stunning: O-Week Friend Group Forms Bond That Will Last a Whole Two Weeks

BARTLETT DINING COMMONS – Social scientists are stunned by new reports of an O-Week friend group that has lasted an entire 14 days. 

Though a typical first-year friend group only lasts about one week (or however long it takes for the members to begin hooking up with each other, in what is colloquially known as a UChicago minute), this group has astounded observers by continuing well into the second week of classes.

“We’ve never seen anything like it,” said Dr. Evina Stromberg, a researcher who studies the social habits of first-years. “An O-Week friend group that lasts this long violates all known laws of physics.”

The Shady Dealer recently sat down with a member of this group for an exclusive interview. “I love these people,” said Thomas Benner, who founded the group along with four other first-years. “We’re gonna be friends forever.”

At press time, The Shady Dealer received news that the friend group had fallen apart in a storm of drama and recriminations. Reportedly, they had all started hooking up with each other.