Chicago Shady Dealer

Acronym Majors on the Rise, New Report Says

The UChicago Office of Communications has recently released a memo warning of unprecedented levels of intended “acronym majors” in the class of 2028. “More and more students are declaring majors in LLSO, HIPS, NELC, MENG, MADD, BORP, FUMP, VONK, JOKE, and TAPS than ever before,” said Dean of Admitted Student Affairs, Jim Nondorf, “We at the University of Chicago are proud to provide such robust education in important acronyms for our modern world. We feel confident that our majors with all kinds of acronyms will prepare students for the rigorous job market of the future.”

Some students have expressed concerns about the trend towards acronymization. Second-year Kate Winslet said, “I thought I was declaring a major in PHYS, and accidentally declared one in PHSC—now I have a bunch of requirements where I have to keep a moon journal and learn Physics for Future Presidents! All these acronyms are too confusing.” 

Third-year Elena Cooperington agreed: “I told employers at job interviews that I was majoring in REES and SALC with minors in CMST, CRES and CEGU and they had the gall to question my credentials for a job in making environmental movies about Russian-South Asian diasporic communities—-as if it wasn’t obvious from my majors! In real life, a UChicago degree clearly means nothing.”

To other students, the increasing number of acronym majors offered at UChicago provides an opportunity for a previously unimaginable level of irrelevance. “I thought that Fundamentals, Issues and Texts was the ultimate pure academic major, ” said second-year Søren Wichtenstein Kierkegaard. But now that I’ve learned about the rich world of acronym majors, I’m debating switching majors to LLSO, or maybe even IRHUM! I guarantee you no employer will have heard of that—and what could be more intellectually pretentious!” Math majors, too, have been excited to learn about the more practical (and less recognizable) major of CAM, which offers three capital letters on top of its supposed greater employability than pure math. 

Whatever the perspective on acronym majors, this is a new normal that future generations at UChicago will have to get used to. What’s next–ELL (English Language and Literature) or HR (Human Rights) or even MAAAD (Masters in Acronyms, Alliteration, Assonance and Discourse)? Only time will tell.