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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Security Alert and Other Musings

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    “So Do I Just Put It In?” First-Years Unsure How to Vote

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Trump Summons Backup Collection of Balding White Men from White House Storage Cabinet After Sessions Resignation

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Every HUMA Class Ranked by How Badly You Have to Shit During it

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Clueless First Year Finds Himself in Rural Kentucky after Boarding Shuttle Bus

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I’m Interested in Going, Maybe: A How-To Guide on Actually Attending the Facebook Events You Say You’re Interested In

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Local Vegan Cooked for Thanksgiving Dinner

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How to Pretend to be Thankful Even Though Deep Down You’re a Brat

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Sexually Repressed First-Years Upset Over Record Low Numbers of “Turkey Drop” Break-Ups

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    “Is he the one who did 9/11?” say Nation’s High Schoolers Following George H. W. Bush Memorial

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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