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A Farewell Letter
By The Editors May 25, 2018 Dearest Reader(s), Over the past year, we have had the humbling, back-breaking honor of serving as Editors-in-Chief for the Chicago Shady Dealer, and we want…
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Alumni Association Hastily Shuts Down DMT Garden Following Mass Vomiting, Hysterical Preaching
By Nik Varley May 25, 2018 University administrators reportedly shut down the Alumni Weekend DMT Garden following reports of mass vomiting and hysterical preaching. The garden, initially intended as a relaxed environment in…
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An Ode to Our Only Reader
By Ella Hester May 25, 2018 Hey Ed Zamb You’re the manb You have a son named Teddy And a heart that’s ready To ‘like’ our pieces Your support never ceases Never leave…
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Two Second Years in Trench Coat Caught Sneaking into Alumni Beer Garden
By Breck Radulovic May 25, 2018 The Alumni Weekend Beer Garden is a tantalizing, esoteric myth among the University of Chicago’s undergraduate student body. The garden baffles college students, who do not yet…
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Op-Ed: Bill Gates, Support Journalism On-Campus by Setting Up a Trust Fund For Us
By Ella Hester May 25, 2018 Dear Bill Gates, Thank you so much for buying property near our storied university. We have no clues as to your motivations, so we’re hoping you just…
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Spring Has Sprung: Fijis Quit Breastfeeding for Solid Food
By Antonia Salisbury May 25, 2018 Frarty season is upon us, and you know what that means: barbecued mashed peas and a banana yogurt ice luge. The Dealer began its reporting at the Fiji…
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SOSC Canvas Posts Too Intimate
By Warner Swatkins May 25, 2018 The trouble began when a number of students in Professor Bart Conroy’s third quarter of “Self, Culture, Society” expressed concerns that the readings concerning Dr. Sigmund Freud…
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Did This Article Just Pose a Rhetorical Question in Lieu of an Actual Headline?
By Reed Thurston May 25, 2018 Startling readers and baffling journalistic style guidelines everywhere, you won’t believe the answer you hear when we ask the hot-button question that’s on everyone’s mind: Did the headline of this…
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From Russia with Language Barriers: 2018 World Cup Coverage
By Diego Matamoros June 18, 2018 Welcome to the World Cup We here at the Shady Dealer are proud to present our coverage of the 2018 World Cup, the most notable sporting event…
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The Chicago Shady Dealer’s Day-After-Father’s-Day Gift Guide
By The News Desk June 18, 2018 Happy Father’s Day! Forgot to get your dad a Father’s Day gift? Forgot that Father’s Day was yesterday? Well, if you’re a shitty child, the Chicago…
