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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Mold-breaking Professor lets students decide midterm date as long as its 4th or 5th week

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Lanyard Fuses into First-Year’s Neck

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Growing Student Movement Demands University Divest from John D. Rockefeller’s Oil-Suffused Corpse

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Campus’s Hottest New Hookup Spot? Dean Boyer’s Bike

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Paul Manafort Falls for the Ol’ “Diplomatic Immunity Under a Box Propped Up by a Stick” Trick

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Student Health Recommends Mindfulness to Visibly Bleeding Third Year

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    ISIS Apologizes For Terrorism With Gigantic Wooden Horse

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I’m Still Trapped in the Tornado Exhibit at the MSI

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    10 Reasons I Cannot Go Back To Miami (The Deliciously Forbidden City)

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Six Animals the Div School Wouldn’t Allow Me to Give DMT

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
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