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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
  • Historical Issue

    New Whig Political Party Objectively Has Stupidest Name

    Chicago Shady Dealer / July 15, 2025
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  • Historical Issue

    This Snake Oil Stuff Is So Good! Really Delicious You Should Try It I’m Climbing The Walls

    Chicago Shady Dealer / July 11, 2025
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Five Romantic Poets Who Definitely Fucked Your Wife

    Chicago Shady Dealer / July 9, 2025
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  • Historical Issue

    SSRIs Cure Great Depression

    Chicago Shady Dealer / July 5, 2025
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Say It With Me: Zero-Hours Contract is the Best Contract!

    Chicago Shady Dealer / July 3, 2025
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Automated Bobbin-Changing Equipment Threatens Job Security of 9-Year-Olds

    Chicago Shady Dealer / July 1, 2025
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  • Historical Issue

    Wilhelm Crashenblimpen Appointed Captain Of The Hindenburg

    Chicago Shady Dealer / June 30, 2025
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  • Historical Issue

    Alexander Hamilton Reviews Hamilton: “Wait, they did what?”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / June 29, 2025
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  • Historical Issue

    After Success Of First Novel, George Orwell Announces Publication Of “1984 2: This Time It’s Personal”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / June 27, 2025
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  • Historical Issue

    Stephen Cole Kleene Invents Formal Languages, Causing War

    Chicago Shady Dealer / June 26, 2025
    read more
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