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Drinking sweet tea above the Mason-Dixon is cultural appropriation
By Liam Coles April 23, 2016 CJust the other day, controversy broke out recently after it was discovered that several groups above the Mason Dixon line have been were selling the beverage, originally…
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12 Apostles Ranked According to Attractiveness
By Liam Coles May 13, 2016 12) Thomas: People like men with conviction. 11) Matthew: Taxes suck. 10) James: Not even mentioned in John’s Gospel. 9) Phillip: Cute but not even miraculous. 8)…
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Donald Trump Receives a Human Heart: How Will This Change the Election?
By Breck Radulovic Aug. 2, 2016 Presidential candidate Donald Trump announced that he had received a human heart from a dedicated supporter and Iraq war veteran at Tuesday’s rally in Virginia. Politicos, pundits,…
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I’m Glad I Can Finally Masturbate Without My Mom Knowing
By Rusty Pecker Aug. 6, 2016 God, I love college so far. The independence, the intellectual rigor, the dollar milkshakes. Shit man, it’s the best. Honestly, my favorite part of it is the…
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Five Tips for Avoiding Existential Dread in College
By Nik Varley Aug. 10, 2016 Congratulations, your childhood is over! Your carefree days of youth and innocence are now gone forever, and you’ve taken your first step into the festering quagmire of…
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Point: All My Feelings Are Valid
By Morgan Pantuck Aug. 21, 2016 We live in an overwhelmingly patriarchal society. The male experience is considered standard and objective, while women are viewed as incomplete or deviant forms of men. For…
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Counterpoint: You Are Crying at a Cheerio
By Morgan’s Sense of Self Awareness Aug. 21, 2016 I’m not going to deny that we live in a male-dominated society which consistently attempts to delegitimize the female experience. However, you are currently…
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Five Jewish Boys My Daughter Should Date
By Morgan Pantuck’s Mom Aug. 21, 2016 Jacob: Dad’s tennis buddy has a son named Jacob who’s a pre-med at Northwestern. I gave his mom your cell phone number, so look out for…
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Letter From the Office of Admissions
By Dean Nondorf Aug. 21, 2016 Dear incoming first-years, Welcome to the University of Chicago! We hope your journeys to Hyde Park were intellectually stimulating. You’ll need a clever anecdote to share with…
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Dean Ellison Awakens from Week-Long Bender with No Memory of Welcome Letter
By James Reece Aug. 26, 2016 Dean Ellison Awakes from Week Long Bender with No Memory of Welcome LetterThursday, August 25th, 5:16 PMUniversity of Chicago Ddean of StudentAadmissions in the College John ““Jay”…
