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What to do if the Toilet Water Splashes in Your Butthole
By Nico Aldape Nov. 25, 2015 This phenomenon is also known as Poseidon’s Kiss! Remember that this happened to gods too. Archeological studies found that the output of Hephaestus, Greek god of fire…
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Area Student’s Daily Schedule Totally Unchanged By Lockdown
By Ryan Fleishman Dec. 1, 2015 After all classes and activities aton thethe entire University of Chicago‘s Hyde Park campus wereas cancelled and the campus putput on lockdown due to a terrorist threat…
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A Five-Star Review of Riding my Bike on the Sidewalk
By Alan Rogers Dec. 31, 2015 The wind in my hair, the dewy sheen of sweat upon my forehead, the screams of pedestrians… Ah, yes. My name is Alan Rogers and I love…
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Student Nominated for Oscar for Daily Performance of Gender
By Chase Harrison Dec. 31, 2015 When the Oscar Nominees were announced on January 24th, many of the usual candidates were nominated: Leonardo di Caprio, Cate Blanchett, and Eddie Redmayne. However, one complete…
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Female Philosophy Major Thought Experiments With Women
By Daniel Ruttenberg Dec. 31, 2015 According to Shady Dealer reporters, at Bar Night on January 6, y 10th, third-year Lisa D’Angelo thought experimented for the first time with a woman by, as…
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Which Oscar Nominees Pass the Bechdel Test? We Didn’t Check.
By Daniel Ruttenberg Dec. 31, 2015 The Oscar nominations were announced on Thursday, and already and many of tthemwhichthe nominees have been praised for their unique storytelling and captivating performances by some of…
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Student to Spend Quarter Abroad in Shondaland
By Chase Harrison Dec. 31, 2015 While other UChicago students will be traveling to Paris, Beijing, and Oaxaca in the winter quarter, third-year Junior Kelsey Shippman will be immersing herself in perhaps the…
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Area Student Doing Pretty Well at Facebook
By Nik Varley Dec. 31, 2015 Sources close to area student Todd Braxton confirmed today that the local teen is “doing pretty well on Facebook.” Braxton’s friend Steve Ackerman elaborated. “Things are really…
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The Golden Man In the Oscar Should Hold a Tinier, Golder Oscar
By Daniel Ruttenberg Dec. 31, 2015 1. The Golden Man Might Get Lonely! People aren’t the only ones who get lonely, you know. The Golden Man deserves a friend too. 2. The Oscar…
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My Son is Going to Love This Meme I Posted on his Facebook Wall
By Mr. Z, Ted’s Cool Dad Dec. 31, 2015 When you spend a lot of time with your kids, you start to get an idea of what makes them tick. My son Ted,…
