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Admissions Report: 90% of Incoming First-years had Life-changing Experience in Africa
By Anna Belle Newport July 17, 2015 The University of Chicago Office of Admissions, after releasing statistics on the incoming class of 2019 on Tuesday, claims to have the most globally experienced cohort…
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Area Man Dies of Zumba
By Morgan Pantuck July 21, 2015 Area man Ted Peterson passed away in a tragic Zumba accident earlier this weekend. Peterson, 31, was lifting weights at his local gym when he passed an…
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Condom Czar Expands Westward into Condom Ukraine
By Morgan Pantuck July 22, 2015 The international community expressed widespread alarm this weekend as Vadimar PuginIvan Ivankov, the current Condom Czar of Hitchcock House, mobilized his condom army and began a military…
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Study Finds Wild West Themed Party Not Going to be Very Good
By Hannah Gitlin July 25, 2015 After a recent study conducted by Emma Jacobson and the rest of the O-Week crew that is somehow already cool, Friday night’s “Giddyup” party most likely won’t…
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Will You be a That Kid, or are You Already a That Kid?
By Nico Aldape July 26, 2015 1. To what degree do you think you know everything? a. This quiz looks pretty hard. b. I’m average, I guess c. I feel reasonably confident in…
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Words With the Highest Social Capital
By Mary Vansuch July 28, 2015 Dinner party swag Yaaaaaaaasssssss (careful on spelling; this can dramatically change the value) Authentically Crafted Peoples of Smashing Freely Traded and Organically Grown Swagger Calumet Fisheries Children,…
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Alpha Phi Omega
By Shady Dealer Aug. 1, 2015 Ever wanted to be in a frat without the booze? The Peace Corps without the credit? Boy Scouts without the fire? JOIN ALPHA PHI OMEGA! Focus on…
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The Shady Dealer’s Guide to Rationalizing Housecest
By Teddy Zamborsky Aug. 1, 2015 Being the incredibly sexy people we are, Dealer writers are uniquely equipped to guide you through the perilous journey of your first college romance. So here is…
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So You’ve Challenged Your RA to a Fight to the Death
By Teddy Zamborsky Aug. 1, 2015 Well, it is best that you accept that this is happening. I’m sure you consulted your house constitution to see what kind of fight is officially sanctioned.…
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Dressing for Your Major
By Willamina Groething Aug. 1, 2015 Anthropology: Raspberry Vinaigrette Biology: Italian Cinema and Media Studies: Honey Mustard Classics: Caesar Computer Science: Creamy Caesar Economics: Green Goddess English Language and Literature: French Environmental Studies:…
