• MEETING INFO: Thursdays, 6 pm, Harper 145.
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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    French Politician “Relieved” Islamophobic Laws Were Worded Inoffensively

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Portland Trailblazers Trade $2 Million To Los Angeles Clippers For $3 Million

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Why Two Dakotas?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Why I Chose Not to Have a Headclaw Installed on My Child

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Meteor Defense System Behind Schedule and Over Budget

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Sexiest Man Alive Also Only Man Alive

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Did the Writers of the Constitution Mean for Us to Have “Sharp Sticks” and “Rocks”?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Point: Race No Longer Divides Us. Counterpoint: I Agree with the Jew

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Eight Helpful Tips for Couples Trying to Start a Family

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    This is the Loneliest I’ve Ever Felt

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
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