By Dan Lastres March 1, 2015 I met my contact in the dark alcove between Harper and Stuart. Vance was a well-dressed guy with an over-waxed mustache. I tried to shake his hand,…

By Milena Pross March 1, 2015 The “Fundamentals: Issues and Texts” concentration is an interdisciplinary program in which a student poses a question about human existence and spends the next three years attempting…

By Barry March 1, 2015 Guys, sex is like pizza: even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. You know what I mean? Every time I’ve had sex in the past, I was…

By Dan Lastres March 1, 2015 First-year Phillip Bartecki reported Tuesday that the low-quality Facebook notifications he receives no longer lift his spirits the way they used to. “Birthday notifications from old high-school…

By CNN March 1, 2015 For years, CNN has prided itself on keeping its valued viewers abreast of the latest and most serious threats to their well-being and property. Some have deemed our…

By Dan Lastres March 1, 2015 Expressing his affection for the operating system’s utilitarian design and simplistic color scheme, local father Milton Ford told reporters that he’s sticking with Windows XP for the…

By Alex Dunlap March 1, 2015 The Chicago Police Department announced this week a groundbreaking initiative that aims to “rethink the way that citizens interact with their police force,” according to a statement…

By Milena Pross March 1, 2015 In today’s world, all relationships start online. The days of meeting someone at a café and getting married later that week are over. But how does one…

By Sam Taylor March 1, 2015 RACING. FAST. CAR BOYS. FAST. RACING. AMEN. The 2015 Cup Series rumbled to life this past weekend with the Daytona 500, as NASCAR fans around the country…

By Sam Taylor March 1, 2015 Vice President Joe Biden was photographed last Saturday vigorously fondling his mother’s left earlobe during a private family gathering at his Washington D.C. residence. “What made it…